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For Those Who Quietly Mourn on Mothers Day. -Featuring “Lullaby My Baby” ~Original Music by Shelleen

May 6, 2017 By Shelleen 2 Comments

While many of us will be celebrating the gift of having and/or being mothers this Mother’s Day, I want to speak to those who mourn quietly in the shadows. For those of you whose mothers have passed away, no matter what your age, loosing a mother leaves a tremendous void. And to those who have known the tragedy of life in reverse, where you, the parent buried your child, just attempting to imagine your heartache is honestly beyond my emotional comfort zone. I personally have had a small glimmer of what that is like. My husband and I cared for our nephew until his passing at age 8, so I have walked that road as an aunt. As difficult as that season in our lives was however, I don’t claim for a minute that it carries the same depth of grief as that of loosing your own flesh and blood.

But today I want to speak to those who, as said above, quietly mourn, or for some of you, even secretly. I know this message may be seen as controversial to some, so let me first say that if you knew me, you would understand that is not my heart. However, I am compelled by the stories of friends in my life, as well as women who have confided in me at my concerts and women’s events, to speak this message of hope. And by the way, for my male readers, there is something here for you as well, so read on if you would.

 

 

As many as one out of every four pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have to put the disclaimer out there that I don’t know this grief personally, but I do know the fear of it due to the pregnancy complications I had with my son. Several years ago, a childhood friend, who in many ways is very much the sister I never had, experienced a miscarriage. She being as precious to me as she is, combined with being a mother myself, caused my heart to break. So many mothers mourn the loss of their unborn children quietly – sometimes with just their husbands; sometimes alone. They are not even able to have the closure of a funeral. In fact, depending on how far along they were in their pregnancy, their circle of friends and family are unaware of their grief. If this is you, stay with me.

There is another group of women who I want to speak to today as well. You are the women who suffer from not only the loss of your unborn child, but also bear a burden of guilt on top of your grief. Some of you are my friends, and others of you have been brave enough to entrust me with your stories although our paths have only crossed once. You tell me that not a day goes by that you are not haunted by the regret of the abortion you had years ago. My heart breaks for you the most, and I pray if you haven’t come to understand that there is nothing you can do to remove God’s love for you, that you begin to seek Him for that understanding today. His death on the cross was for us all, because we are all sinners who fall short of His glory. If you’ve asked Him for it, you are forgiven my friend, and not a smudge of your sin remains before Him. He came to set you free from the bondage of sin, and desperately wants you to walk, even dance in the joy of that freedom.

 

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

~Psalm 103:12 (NIV)

Many of you may be familiar with this verse, but did you ever wonder why the Bible doesn’t say as far as the North is from the South? It’s actually not a random choice of phrase. God’s Words are always filled with intention, and this is a very cool case in point.

Did you ever think about the fact that we have a North and South Pole, but no East Pole or West Pole? The earth is a sphere which turns on it’s axis running from north to south, giving it what is called an east-west continuum. This means we can measure how far the North is from the South. But we have no poles to measure east from west, so there is no measurement for the distance between the two…they have no ending point. They just keep going on…forever. And that’s how far our sins are banished from us when we confess them to God. That is awesome in every sense of the word.

That’s good news for all of us, but here is some more for those of you who resonate with something I have said above. Your child lives. It’s the truth. From the moment of conception, a beautiful human spirit was present in your womb. When our bodies give way here on earth, if we are a child of God, our spirits are taken into Glory. When your child’s earthly body could no longer house his or her spirit, that is exactly what happened, and know this: Someday you will be reunited with that precious one. And what a joyous reunion it will be. There is no sin in Heaven such as unforgiveness or anger on the part of your child (in the case of abortion), and there is no more pain or grief there for you any longer either. Oh how I pray that this will soak in to your souls if any of this applies to you. It does to all of us for one reason or another really. Oh, the precious hope of eternity!

In light of that, my prayer for you is that this Mother’s Day and every day, you can bask in the love of our Savior, experience His healing presence, and know the freedom and joy that defies human understanding that comes through relationship with Him.

The following song is one I wrote for my friend. When she lost her baby, I so desperately wanted to be with her. It was devastating for me not to be there giving her comfort in some way. It derailed me. And when I’m derailed, I write. It was a gift well-received by her, and I believe there are others to whom it can be a small source of healing. Please take a moment and pass this on to them. Let’s make their Mother’s Day a little easier this year, shall we?

Love to each one of you my friends.

Confessions of an Obnoxious Easter Bunny. Featuring “Be Lifted Higher” -Original Music by Shelleen

April 16, 2017 By Shelleen 2 Comments

You’re about to see one of those pictures that might even be worth more than a thousand words. So brace yourself. For those of you who don’t know, my current home is one of the last two standing in what is now the commercial end of town. Twenty-thousand cars pass by my front yard every day. Turning left out of my driveway can be a real lesson in patience sometimes. It’s not unusual for this Potter County girl who grew up in the sticks to leave tire marks in the grass because I’ve high-tailed it through the back yard, behind a commercial building, and out the alley behind a convenience store, where I can turn right and get to a light bringing me out to the road I couldn’t get on in front of my house. (I know that’s a run-on sentence, but it’s rather fitting I think.)

I tell you this to set the scene, (you’ll see in a minute that I do make one) for my family’s annual hunt for their Easter baskets. I’m a bit of an obnoxious Easter Bunny. Before they can have their first clue hidden in an egg, they have to sing a song I made up about myself. Some of the lyrics are:

“Well she is the Easter Bunny. We’re well aware of all her fame. Even though she is our Mommy, and we know her and her name. She’s the coolest Easter Bunny that has every hopped the plain. Well she is the Easter Bunny, and it’s time to play her game…”

Put those words to the tune of “Do your ears hang low” and if you’re not careful, it’ll get stuck in your head. Before you know it, you too will be singing about what an awesome bunny I am!

Image may contain: 2 people, outdoor

 

Each clue (rhyming, of course) leads to the next egg with another clue, which eventually leads to their baskets full of loot. The loot being the proverbial carrot at the end of the stick (pun intended) that makes them willing to go through such torture. As if their mother dressed as a giant bunny isn’t enough, the bunny often makes them hop to each location, and you can be sure that I always hide at least one egg in the front yard next to the busy road. For the record, my husband refuses to hop…He doesn’t get as much loot in his basket.

So now that you know I’m into the silliness and fun of the holiday, can I point out the obvious? “Holiday” comes from the words Holy and Day. We all know that, but it stands to be said with all the commercialism and crazy bunnies hopping around distracting us from the real reason we celebrate.

To sum it up, the God and Creator of the Universe loved us so much that He entered this cursed world by taking on the nature of a man so that He could be the final sacrifice, atoning for the collective sins of humanity, and giving us the option of trusting Him with our lives and eternity. (No offense on calling it “cursed world”. I love the world God made for us, but it’s really under a curse. Read the book of Genesis.)

So I’ve stated the obvious, but there’s more. Not only did God grant us a means by which we might obtain eternal life with Him in Heaven, but Jesus told us that He came that we might have abundant life. He also said that in this world we would see troubles. So how does that add up?

Before sin entered the world, there was no separation between God and man. And frankly, He missed those garden walks with his creation in the cool of the day. (Again, read Genesis.) God is merciful, yet just in character, therefore, someone must die for our sins. (That would be us.) But God loved us too much to let that happen.

 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.   ~Romans 6:23 (NIV)

Enter Jesus the Son, fully God, taking on the cloak of humanity, a perfect, sinless sacrifice to take our place. Just before Jesus exhaled his last breath, releasing his Spirit into the hands of the Father, He said these words: “It is finished.” Suddenly all kinds of mayhem erupted. It became pitch black even though it was the middle of the day and the very foundations of the earth shook. But something else happened that is extraordinary.

The veil that separated the most sacred inner room of the temple where only the high priest could enter but once a year was thick and woven with mastery. This room behind the veil was where God’s presence resided which was so powerful that they would tie a rope to the ankle of that high priest just in case he would be overwhelmed when he entered and drop dead. The rope would be the only way to get him out. The moment Jesus breathed his last, the Bible tells us that the veil was ripped from top to bottom – torn completely in two by the hands of the Father himself signifying to us that we are now free to boldly approach the very throne of God.

So why are we so timid about that? Sadly wrong theology, teaching, or perhaps scars from our earthly fathers have given so many of us such a distorted image of our Heavenly Father. We are comfortable with Jesus. After all, he walked in our shoes. He became human. But Jesus said that if you’ve seen Him, you’ve seen the Father. (They, Holy Spirit included, are one…something we struggle to grasp.)

I’m grateful for the parable Jesus told about the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8. This woman wanted justice, and wouldn’t be ignored by a judge who didn’t give a rip about God or mankind. She kept coming back day after day so that finally the judge was so sick of her, he gave attention to her need, and granted her petition.

Jesus tells us that we can approach the throne of The Father with that kind of boldness, knowing that if a calloused judge like that will grant such a request, how much more the God who loved us enough to place our sins on the shoulders of His only begotten Son.

I must confess, I have been that persistent widow of late. There are circumstances in my life that merit the need for me to be on my face before the throne of God in the form of praying without ceasing. I’ve been hammering God with my laments day after day, after week, after month. And I finally got a word from Him. Would you like to know what it is?

 

“Delight in Me.”

What? I’m struggling under the weight of the burdens I’m in need of You to rescue me from, and You say to delight in you? To borrow the phrase, “My tears have been my food”, and you want me to “delight”? But then this passage of Scripture began to flood over my mind:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.   ~Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

Do you know that when we take our eyes off our ugly, sin-infested, jacked-up circumstances, placing them at His feet, and fix our eyes on the Lord, His magnificence is so glorious that we can know delight? The more time we spend in relationship with Him, the more we come to understand that His ways, thoughts, and timing are perfect, and we can trust Him. That trust translates to faith…the mountain-moving kind.

So this Easter, in the midst of all the hub-bub, chocolate, and crazy rabbits, I hope that you not only remember that Christ’s finished work on the cross has given those who accept it, the gift of eternal life with Him, but also the promise of an abundant life here and now in this cursed and chaotic world. The curtain was torn in two, and we have a Father who desires to walk in a delightful relationship with us.

Enjoy my latest song, share this if you feel so inclined, and have a delightful Easter friends.

Somebody needs to hear this… (featuring “Redemption Song” -original music by Shelleen)

March 16, 2017 By Shelleen Leave a Comment

 

Every time I proof-read over this post I am riding the delete button. God is impressing on my heart that tonight, it is better to let my words be few, and instead allow Him to communicate through the language of music. So I’m breaking all the “blog rules” and resisting the temptation to spew all that wants to bubble out through my fingers; No pretty pictures that will delay me getting out this post either. I feel like someone out there needs it now. God gave me this song ten days ago, and all I want to do is play it. May He speak to you through it as He has me.

p.s. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section, and I’d be honored if you pass it on…

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Getting Deep… (Featuring original music by Shelleen)

February 10, 2017 By Shelleen 4 Comments

When I was 16 I got the invitation to be in a pageant. Those of you who knew me then (and now) know that I am pretty much the antonym of “pageant girl”. I grew up in what we called “the sticks”, and was far more comfortable with an audience watching me slam a basketball down a court, than I was dancing in a production number. I still only wear make-up about twice a week, and I was (and remain at times) about as unpolished as a bucket in a horse barn. The first time I got the invite, I read it to a friend whom I knew would also find the idea of me entering a pageant hilarious, before pitching it in the girls’ bathroom trash can at school. But when a second letter came I was by myself, and this time curiosity got the best of me. As I read over the details, it dawned on me that I had nothing better to do that summer, and that perhaps this sort of thing could go a long way in helping me overcome stage-fright. For those two reasons alone, I filled out the application. I still believe that I ended up winning the title of “Miss Teen of Pennsylvania” that year simply because I didn’t intend to. Had I felt the same pressure the other contestants who really cared about it did, my attempt would have made a fool look distinguished.

 

(Me with a group of our men in uniform. One of my favorite pictures from my pageant days.)

There were 6 preliminary categories we competed in. Each one made up 15% of our score – all except the judges interview which accounted for a whopping 25%. And get this: It was only 3 minutes long! Just three minutes to make or break you. My first question came at me before I had a chance to sit down:

“Shelleen. That’s an interesting name. Where did it come from?”

After telling them the short version of the story behind my first and middle names (Shelleen Sue) and how part of it came from a former pet monkey belonging to my dad (…Yep, that’s a cliff-hanger – Another story for another day.), they launched into a series of questions reminiscent of a round of Jeopardy with Alex Trebek.

“If you had five minutes with the President, what would you talk to him about?”

“What would you do if you had a friend who was suicidal?”

And on they went until we came to this one:

“If you were a color, what color would you be and why?”

Now remember, we’re talking about three minutes. There was no time to “think before you speak” or get stuck trying to come up with an impressive answer for those questions. I figured the best approach in my attempt to interview well was to be honest and say the first thing that came to mind, all the while praying that it wasn’t stupid or offensive. Thankfully, I didn’t answer (with the voice of Rainbow Bright): “Yellow, because it’s the color of sunshine and happiness” or some such other kind of pat “World Peace” answer. Instead I heard myself saying,

“Midnight Blue.”

“Why?”, they questioned simultaneously while their heads both cocked to the side and eyebrows bunched quizzically with impressive synchronization.

Truth be told, I had no idea. It was just the first color that popped into my head.

“I’m a poet”, I heard myself respond. “And I think it’s deep.”

Perhaps they still wonder what I meant by that. I know I still do. (Snicker!) But there is something else with greater depth that has also left me pondering for a very long time…until recently.

There is a passage in the book of Psalms that says this: “Deep calls to deep”. The poetic fiber to that line of Scripture has always captivated me. It has a tone to it that is, well… deep. So deep in fact, that I didn’t understand what it was talking about, captivating me all the more. It remained a bit of a mystery to me.

 

 

In the mean time… the pace of life has a funny way, especially if you’re a mother, of leaving no time for you. (Can I get an Amen?) It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking care of everyone and everything else while your own care needs are, well… Oh, there they are- Right were I dropped them. And Ouch! They just got run over by a bus. One day you wake up and realize that you are about to turn (#blah!), and you are beginning to look like it too. As if being a wife a mother of three isn’t enough to make me wish I could clone myself, the past few years have been intense ones in our home. Our 8 year old nephew came to live with us until he went to be with the Lord, as did my mother-in-law until she joined him, and my own parents’ health issues were among the reasons they came to live with us for a year and a half. An alarming number of “trials of many kinds” have invaded our lives, testing and refining us at what has felt like warp speed. And although I’m told that it is not visible in my countenance, lines that have intruded on my face tell the story well.

The toll these last few years have taken has caused me to finally realize that I am doing no one a service if I don’t find a way to include myself on the priority list. That can be hard, because then one has to figure out what must be deleted to make room – room for exercise, proper sleep, a massage once in a while, and more time for friends. I really want to learn how to play the guitar, blow the dust off a few books from the “I’m going to read that” pile(s) longing for the revival of the Dewey Decimal System, etc… And all that is well, and good, and necessary. But even if I was able to consistently pull all that off, while still being the wife and mom I need to and adore being, it still falls short. It’s missing depth.

While I am working on those things (well, not the guitar quite yet), one thing that these challenges have caused me to do (because I needed it to sustain me) is become more consistent than ever in is spending time in God’s presence. I find nothing more rejuvenating than feasting on His Word or worshiping at my piano, because those things penetrate far beyond what any deep-tissue massage every could. They feed my spirit. And when you feed your spirit, you feed your body and soul as well.

I’m no theologian, and I could be made to stand corrected (a wise and discerning mentor of mine follows this blog to make sure I’m on track), but I think I am beginning to understand what the author was talking about when he says in Psalm 42:7-8 (NIV)…

Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

 By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

I think it’s saying that through the endless onslaught of trials, my spirit is drawn to the hope, love, comfort, and life found in my Savior. It’s in these difficult times that we often hear Him calling to us most clearly; perhaps because trials cause us to run to Him. Let’s face it. He is the only One who will be able to bring about real “World Peace” and it is coming my friends. But for now, in the midst of the chaos, we can rest in the peace that only comes from Jesus Christ. For when we earnestly seek Him, He is faithful to reveal Himself – Sometimes by challenging us to grow in faith and step out of the boat; Sometimes by carrying us; Sometimes by is lifting us up on wings like eagles; Sometimes by melodiously quieting us with his love beside gentle streams.

Deep calls to deep. His Spirit calls out to ours. Are you listening?

~The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;                ~Lamentations 3:25 (NIV)

Now listen on, if you are so inclined, and please pass this post along to your friends if you feel it is worth a share. (I assure you this song is not as painful as the expression that is caught on my face below!) Not surprisingly, I entitled it “Deep”.

 

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About Me

B&W Head Shot.pdf - Adobe ReaderWife, Mother, Friend, and Daughter

Author, Speaker, Singer, Songwriter

Girdle Bur and Beauty Hunter

Life that's been redeemed

Upcoming Events

Speaking for Connections

  • Location: Parent & Preschool Center at Mellinger Mennonite Church
  • Date & Time: Tuesday, April 10, 2018, 9:00 AM- 11:10 AM
  • Topic: Worship is a Weapon
  • Email questions to: connections@mellingerchurch.org

Recent Posts

  • More! More! (Featuring “Baby Steps” – Original Music by Shelleen Weaver)
  • Shine On Harvest Moon (Featuring “Indeed” – Original Music by Shelleen)
  • Holy Fruitopia! -Featuring “Time” -original music by Shelleen
  • The “Blessed” Is Yet To Come! Featuring “Come Away” & “Confide in Me” – Original Music by Shelleen
  • For Those Who Quietly Mourn on Mothers Day. -Featuring “Lullaby My Baby” ~Original Music by Shelleen

About Shelleen

Wife, Mother, Friend, and Daughter
Author, Speaker, Singer, Songwriter
Girdle Bur and Beauty Hunter
Life that's been redeemed
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